My dear readers (er, reader), today is the day I'm going to drop some wisdom on you. And yes, of course it will be hot. I drop all things like they are hot, as is the appropriate manner. What qualifies me to tell you whether your relationship will stand the test of time? Well, um... Uh. Nothing, really, other than living 34 years and gaining some experience, good and bad. I'm also a people watcher. I find human interaction fascinating. I've seen how my parents have been happily married for over 40 years, and my brother and sister-in-law happily married for almost 14. You know what I learned from them? You have to find the person who is right for you, and a relationship that works for you. No one else has to understand how you work together, but you two sure as hell have to understand it. I got married young by most standards; engaged at 18, married at 21 (I know, I know). I was "that weird married chick" through the latter part of my college career. Before I got hitched, my favorite aunt pulled me aside, and gently encouraged me to consider whether I had any doubts - any at all - and that no one would be angry if I felt it should all be called off. Being young and stupid, I brushed her off and continued my headlong race down the aisle to the person I figured was the only guy who would ever actually want to tether himself to me for all eternity. I got so caught up in the dresses, flowers, and sparkly diamond rings that the person to whom I was going to be married became secondary. With all that in mind, I'd like to point out that I was married for ten years. A whole decade! I think that's pretty impressive considering my youthful ignorance going in.
These days, I'm absolutely positive that I've found the person with whom I was meant to spend my life. And that, my friends, is the first secret; one that my wonderful aunt shared with me, and which I disregarded those many years ago. It sounds cliched, but when you know, you know. If you have to ask yourself if you're with the right person... you're not.
The second secret is one I have found to be paramount, and both overlooked and often negated in our society as a whole: relationships aren't hard work. At least, the right one isn't. I recently attended a wedding during which the officiant mentioned that relationships aren't 50/50; you each have to put in 100%, and that way when one of you isn't able to give it that much on any given day, there is still a full effort being given. I call bullshit. Do you hear me, interwebs? Bull. Shite. Put in 100% at your job. Put in 100% at parenting your offspring. Guess how much effort I put into my relationship? A big fat goose egg.
Being with my partner is easy. I hate leaving him in the morning, and I love seeing him again in the evenings. I cherish our time together. Doing kind things for each other becomes almost an afterthought; we do them because it pleases us to please each other, and they a part of everyday life. Smiling is easy, laughing is easy, loving is easy. Effortless.
It may sound callous, but if you're putting work into your relationship to try to keep it afloat... just stop. You're not with the right person for you, or perhaps you're not the right person for a relationship just yet. And if it's the latter, that's okay, too. Waiting for that person with whom life is easy, with whom you can just be, is worth every agonizing second. When you find him or her, you will find that you're a better version of you, more yourself than you've ever allowed yourself to be. And that person will love every bit of you, every idiosyncrasy, everything that makes you uniquely you. Don't be afraid to let go, and know that greater hopes are always pending. <3