Charlottesville, neo-Nazis, and it's not always about you

Let me open this post by stating unequivocally: fuck you, Nazis. Fuck you. Hard. You literally have no reason for existing in 2017. I try not to hate you because it just adds more negativity to the world, but goddammit, I just can’t help it. I think a lot of bigoted folks have (or at least, used to have) the common sense enough to keep that shit to themselves, and even if they’re not ashamed of their feelings, know that it’s not looked on favorably, even if they can’t understand why.

Ever since Trump was elected our commander-in-chief, we’ve all seen a tremendous uptick in bigoted people feeling much safer in sharing their racist sentiments with the world. While we all have the odd inappropriate thought or feeling about specific groups of people (I had an English professor who was convinced that every old man in a hat was a terrible driver, based on her own empirical data), it used to be rare that we would seen this dirty laundry aired. Or perhaps I’ve just been living under a rock for most of my life, who knows. These days, I wouldn’t mind crawling back under that sucker from time to time.

This past weekend the world watched as a group of white supremacists wreaked havoc in Charlottesville, VA. I’m not clear as to what their end goal was, but as far as I can ascertain, they had gathered for a “Unite the Right” march, which was, of course, met with resistance from counter-protesters. As literally every human with a brain could have predicted, it devolved from there, with a neo-Nazi driving his vehicle into the crowd, killing one person and wounding myriad others. Our president… the so-called “Leader of the Free World”.... couldn’t bring himself to condemn the white nationalists. So, you know. There’s that. But most of know that this man is a true Fucktard (capitalized for emphasis, obvs).

Here’s my thing. My husband is a brilliant man. I don’t just say that because he is my favorite human and my chosen person in life. He is objectively exceptionally bright. This is a man who grew up with very little, the youngest of nine kids in an epically dysfunctional family, didn’t have the opportunity to go to college, taught himself to write code after a back injury cut short his successful career as a mechanic, and worked his ass off to become CIO of a tech company. He’s no dummy. He also doesn’t tend to mince words, and is very, umm… open… about his opinions. Now let’s add social media to this personal soup. We’re lucky (ish) to live in an age in which information is readily, immediately accessible, and we the public, in turn, have the ability to readily, immediately comment on and share that information.

Since Trump came to power, I’ve noticed a change in my husband and in the way he relates to these news stories. While I generally feel that Trump has been ineffective in most of his endeavours - which is surprising since he spends so little time on a golf course, amirite? - he has been extraordinarily successful in polarizing the citizens of this country, and even of the world. He’s created a country in which you are either “us” or “them.” Whatever that means to you as an individual, you are either “us” or “them.” Maybe that means that you’re either Right or Left, or you’re either Democrat or Republican, or whether you voted for Trump or you voted for someone else (and it seems to those who did vote for Trump, the “them” voted for Clinton, whether or not that finds any real basis in fact). This makes it increasingly difficult for anyone to find common ground, because people are searching to define themselves by what is black and white. Grey area falls by the wayside.

Let’s look at the neo-Nazi douchenozzles, for example. They called their march “Unite the Right.” What a brilliant choice of words - likely unintentional, since I’m not sure white supremacists have a whole lot going on cognitively. But what does this mean? Well, if you’re a Republican, if you voted for Trump, if you identify yourself at all further towards the ubiquitous Right than Left, then surely you identify with the Nazi agenda. I don’t know many people in my circle who voted for Trump, but of the small handful who did, while I don’t understand why they did so, or whether or not they’re terribly happy with his work thus far, I can guarantee you that no one in MY circle is a fucking white supremacist.

So let’s bring it back to my darling hubs. There have been times over the last few years when he’s felt personally attacked by something someone posted on social media (and I think we all have, whether valid or not). As a middle-class white male, certain assumptions are often made. These assumptions may be at least marginally true on a large-scale sampling of middle-class white males, he tends to fall outside most of the accepted truths. He does not see himself as having been privileged, and takes strong offense to anyone trying to tell him that he has lived some sort of charmed life. With all of the articles and posts about the Charlottesville protests, he was left feeling as though he is now considered by many people to be part of some group of racist, bigoted, homophobic, despicable creatures that could only vaguely be labeled “humans.” This leads him to feel justified in stating his offense, and his anger at being lumped into this group.

And herein lies the danger of our current administration. Because we are now grouped into “us” and “them,” more than ever before, we are not only thinking about how we perceive ourselves. We are actively thinking about how we are perceived by others, and desperately attempting to ensure that others know into which group we fall. While it’s a normal human reaction, it detracts from the issues at hand, and makes those issues about ourselves when they might not necessarily be.

There are groups in our society who have ALWAYS felt a part of “them,” however that group is defined for individuals. There are people who are terrified of the police because they have always felt unjustly targeted. There are people who haven’t received calls for job interviews because their names don’t conform to whatever standard makes human resources comfortable. There are people who have been bullied because their skin is too dark, or their skin is too light. It’s important to understand that there are segments of humanity in our world who have had to work harder to achieve success, or even just live their lives. Recognizing this fact is not synonymous with some sort of admission that you have had an easy life, free of bullying or free of obstacles. It simply means understanding that there are obstacles placed in front of certain types of people because of the color of their skin, the texture of their hair, the clothes they wear - the list goes on and on.

We ALL have obstacles in our life to overcome. Why not help each other climb over them rather than ignoring those placed in front of others because it makes our own struggles feel disregarded? Sometimes…. Sometimes the struggles are not about you. Sometimes it’s more important to be empathetic to those around you, and try to make this world a better place for everyone, not just for ourselves. Just because there are those of us who have not experienced the insidious racism that is designed to keep an entire class of people “in their place” does not mean that those experiences can be diminished or ignored. Rather, it’s even more important that those who have not had the displeasure of being this type of target speak up, and let others know that they are heard. That someone cares, that not everyone is devoted to perpetuating this type of behavior.

With that said, light can be shed on those experiences and I like to think that work can be made to improve them without others feeling as though their ankles are being grabbed to be pulled back under the water. Lifting each other up does not need to mean pushing someone else down. There must be some way to rise together, and while I don’t have all the answers in that regard - I don’t think anyone does, and maybe clear-cut answers don’t even exist - I will always push and strive for all of us to reach whatever pinnacle makes each of us whole. My own success feels so much sweeter when I know that no one else had to suffer in my wake.