Okay, so perhaps the title is slightly misleading; not because there aren't at least 1001 reasons why interviews suck, but because I don't feel like spending the time to enumerate each and every one of them. I've been with my current company for some time now. It's just not a great fit for me anymore; while I won't bore you with the reasons why, it's no big secret that I'm not a happy camper on a whole lot of levels (not even a secret to my employer). One of the more enjoyable qualities I've found in growing older is that I feel like I can be more honest with my boss when I'm unhappy about something. Considering how much I got tread on growing up, I consider it a good thing. I may have reached a point at which our CEO actually actively dislikes me, but hey... I'm disliked with integrity. The fact remains that, you know what? I'm a rock star at my job. I feel confident in saying that. I also feel confident, if more than a little bitchy and condescending, in saying that a lot of the people with whom I deal on a daily basis are downright incompetent. I mean, to the point at which I wonder how on earth these people function in any sort of employable position, let alone with titles like "controller" and "business analyst." So I figure, how hard can it really be to find a new job, right? Oi.
I have determined that job searching is the worst activity in human history, purely in terms of personal misery. There is nothing more soul- or confidence-crushing than sending out a panload of resumes to get MAYBE one or two responses (except maybe finding out that your ex married a supermodel and had oodles of gorgeous children, but I digress). Then there's the ups and downs of the interview itself. I go through several stages throughout this process:
1. elation - they called me! This is gonna be awesome! Look how short my commute will be! I wonder how much more I'll get paid! Ooh, health benefits and actual vacation time! Potlucks with more than 2 people involved! 2. self-doubt/Eeyore - oh God, I'm such a terrible interviewee, I'm not likable at all, all of the other candidates are going to be so much more qualified. 3. research mode - here is the time during which I scour the company's website, finding anything that could potentially be mentioned in an interview. Obviously I'll be asked about such minutiae as the company's stock value as of year end, 1933. 4. NERVES - this is the time during which whenever I think about the interview, I feel the need to hurl. I always try to schedule an interview in the shortest time possible so as to minimize barfy feelings. 5. calm - what will be will be, right? If it's meant to be, it'll happen! That way, if I screw up completely, it's not MY fault. It's the universe's fault. 6. interview - all barf, all the time.
I know it's not like that for everyone - and believe me, I wish I was one of those cool cucumbers for whom interviews are just a walk in the park. Frankly, I'd likely have landed a new job by now if I could think more calmly on my feet, but that quality didn't get coded in my DNA. I blame my grandmother entirely.
My New Year's Resolution this year? Approach each new opportunity with the utmost honesty. Because so far, looking back at the last few months, I've been telling folks what I think they want to hear. Guess where that's gotten me? You get three guesses, and the first two don't count. I like to think of each interview as a learning experience, and it is, to a certain degree, but I've left several thinking, "Why on earth did I say that?" And this might seem strange, but I also want to get up and leave in the middle of one interview this year. I've had some horrible experiences, experiences that left me absolutely unwavering in the knowledge that this job would just never be a good fit, and yet I'd sit there and finish the interview. Case in point: I had a phone interview with the manager at a place that, on paper, seemed perfect. In my research, I found the company to be stable, with great pay, benefits, and reputation, and the position itself right in line with all my strengths. The manager seemed sweet and knowledgeable, and I had a positive feeling going in to meet with my potential new co-workers. And you know what? I sat down with the first interviewer, and within the first 30 seconds I knew it wasn't going to work. She was miserable, and in a three-person office, that ain't gonna cut it. Do you know what one of her interview questions was? Go ahead, guess. No, I'll tell you, because you'd never think this one up on your own: "Why don't people like you?" Now THAT was the moment. That was the moment at which I should have thanked her for her time and left with dignity. Attempting to stammer out a shocked response to that one was not even worth the lung power.
Whatever this year brings me, I'm going to be ready for it. If I have to make my own opportunities, then so be it, but in the meantime, I'll be answering all queries with honesty and directness. Interview me at your own peril, my friends. But, um... seriously. Interview me. I'm getting better at it, I swear.