Marriages: 2
Engagement rings: 1
Children: 2
Pregnancies: 6
Repossessed cars: 2
Credit score: stopped looking
Age of current car: 12 years
Suicide attempts: 1
Suicidal thoughts: Infinity
Age of oldest child: 18
Christmas mornings with children: 6
Christmas mornings with youngest child: 3
Miles to school: 43
Number of trips to school and back: Around 3,300 and counting
Age: 44
Viable eggs left: 0?
People who care about how many eggs I have left: 1
Current abdominal pain level: 6.8 and rising
Number of stepchildren: 5
Number I’ve met: 3
Number of kids THEY’VE squirted out: 10 and counting (ETA: apparently 11 and counting)
Number of kids they know/parent: 5-8?
Life satisfaction level: mid at most
Anger level: 6.8 and rising